If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
