Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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