Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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