Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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