I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
