she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
