is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
