I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
