he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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