i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
