I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
