Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
