someone get that fucking seahorse.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize