You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm bleeding and have questions
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
