Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize