I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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