I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
