Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
