oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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