so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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