the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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