So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
