I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
