it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
