Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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