Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Pooping to opera.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
