Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
