You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
