Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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