Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i need some magic done to my vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize