Im at strip club and am horny
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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