Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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