Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
