It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
