Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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