I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
