Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
