if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize