I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
