Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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