what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
