can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize