i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
