apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
