I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
