I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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