You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
