I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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