Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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