I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
