i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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