I wish you could order shots online.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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