Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
