Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize