Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I cockslap morals
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
