I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
