i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
