I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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