can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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