I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
