She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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