That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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