in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
