I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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