Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
