i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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