Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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