It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
