i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
