Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
