I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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