I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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