She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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