in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
