Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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