Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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