He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
