I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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