There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
