i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
