officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
