did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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