time to smoke my breakfast
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
