I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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