it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
