As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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