i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
