to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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