Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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