I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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