how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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