I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
