After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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